i’ve been feeling distant. from you, from myself. i know thats nonsense. but its true. i’ve been feeling ugly, despite the series we are going through in church lately. its about beauty and the struggle women have with it. and struggling with finding your beauty in your identity through Christ, not the world.
yet, i’ve been feeling ugly inwardly and outwardly.
i’m sick of thinking about the little flaws in things. in myself and others. and dwelling on them. i’m sick of being short with the people i love the most. i’m sick of not feeling completely satisfied, when i know that i have more than i could ever deserve, really. i’m sick of trying to look pretty and feeling disappointed about it.
i’m sick of who i am sometimes. i wish i could be more constant in things i commit to. i wish i didn’t slack off. i wish i was a better friend. and that i didn’t care so much about what people think about the way i look or talk or sing or take pictures…
i want to change, and i know that only You can change me, but its so complicated sometimes…this relationship. i just know, “i need you so much closer”…
“i don’t wanna battle from beginning to end, i don’t want a cycle of recycled revenge, i don’t wanna follow death and all of his friends”….
( i can’t even explain how much this lyric defines how i feel…)
